The Perfect Storm: A $10,000 coach seat

I am currently sitting in a window seat at 35,000 feet in one of Southwest airline’s flying peanut butter cups (tell me they don’t look like huge metal Reese’s) on my way to Baltimore for the Cal at Maryland football game with Joe Sebok. Trouble is, Sebok isn’t sitting next to me. He isn’t sitting across from me, in front of me, or behind me. In fact he isn’t even on this plane. He left on the flight I had originally booked us on at 8:50am, bright and early like I was supposed to. And now I am sitting in the world’s most expensive coach seat…

My story begins last night at around 8pm. I get done with voice overs for Poker After Dark and call Joe to chat about tomorrow’s trip during my drive home. We toss around the idea of scrapping our Southwest 1-stopper to Baltimore in the morning in favor of a Virgin America red eye direct to DC Dulles. We can reuse the Southwest funds on a future flight, the Virgin flight is only $125, nonstop, on a way nicer plane, and we get to have our Friday in LA before leaving at 10:30pm! But I got to make sure that our hotel will let us make a last minute change to our stay and check in Saturday morning early, and stay just one night, and make sure our rental car situation can be swapped up. So I tell him I’ll make some calls and get back to him.

I call the hotel and ask if they are OK with the reservation change, and if we can check in at the ass crack of dawn. They say all good. Sweet. So I call Hertz and make sure I can change our car reservation for Baltimore to DC. They say all good. Sweet. Then I log on to Virgin America to book our flights before canceling the Southwest ones. I get through virtually the entire booking process before the pick your seat screen comes up and shows the only seats on the plane as not only being not together, but in the row in front of the emergency exit row – a.k.a. the no-recliners. WTF. On a red eye, you can expect the snoozers in front of you to get their lean on and wedge you in for sure. Not happenin’. Abort plan.

I call Sebok back and say let’s stick to the original deal, call my concierge to arrange for a ride to the airport at 7:30am and proceed to somehow stay up ‘til 4am doing little more than clearing out my Tivo and hopping on and off Full Tilt. I finally shut everything down, pack, and set my cell phone alarm to wake me up at 7am.

8:26am, phone rings (which is something I vaguely remember it doing several times already).

Ali: What is uuuuuuup?
Sebok: Nothin bro what’s up with you?
Ali: Ohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit.
Sebok: Don’t tell me…
Ali: Damn. I just woke up. Let me get online and see when the next flight out is.

I head to the computer and learn that the next available flight for me on Southwest is at 3:05 pm getting in at midnight. Weak sauce.

Ali: You want to wait for me at LAX and I will swap us both to the later flight?
Sebok: Nah, I’m already here knucklehead. They’re boarding. Just put my name on the hotel reservation and I will get a cab from the airport.
Ali: You sure? You want to just wait for me at Baltimore?
Sebok: No.
Ali: OK bro. Sorry. Call you when I land or see you at the hotel.
Sebok: OK. Peace.
Ali: Peace.

I call the hotel, and add Sebok’s name to the reservation. I call Southwest and push my flight to 3:05pm. Now my gears start turning. What if I check Virgin to see when their next flight gets into DC so I can maybe still make it there when Sebok does? As it turns out they had an 11:30am, which would get into DC at roughly the same time Sebok would get to Baltimore on the 1-stopper. And by the time he cabbed it to the hotel I’d be pullin the rental car into valet. Sweet. Wait. Now the sick power of rationalization and my idle mind got hold of me.

I was flying for free on Southwest and now I’m lookin at paying $500 for a Virgin coach seat, just to get in 5 hours earlier? Seems like a waste. I don’t want to feel like oversleeping cost me $500 or like I’m buying back hours at $100 per. Hmmm, 1st class seats at $750… at least that way if I am gonna spend money I’m getting some real value on it, right? No, that’s silly. Especially when there is an empty row in coach I can sit in. 3 coach seats = 1 first class seat right? Nah, then I’m still back to the $500 for no reason conundrum.

Cue brilliance.

I got it. I’ll log onto Full Tilt and jump in a big game and rip it for a quick $700 so I don’t feel bad, and then buy the 1st class seat. I’ve still got two and a half hours to get to the airport, which is half an hour away. Wait. That could go poorly. I’ve only realistically got about half an hour to play before I’ve got to leave. Wait, what happened to my cab at 7:30am? Oops. Well, I could play, and if I don’t hit quick, I can just call a cab and play longer using my laptop and wireless card on the ride over. Wait, if I don’t cab it, I gotta drive myself and park long term. Damn, more fiscal penalties for oversleeping. I’ve never played online while driving before. Probably not a good idea. Stop thinking you’re gonna get stuck idiot. Positive thinking. The Secret. Wait, did I just think that?

8:45am: Post big blind. $50-$100 6 max Hold Em.
8:57am: Leave game -$975
8:58am: Post big blind. $100-$200 6 max Hold Em.
9:15am: $-1800 on day.
9:16am: Post big blind. $100-$200 6 max Hold Em – 2nd table
9:45am: -$3800 on day. Objective quickly becoming pointless.
11:25am: -$7100 on day. VA flight 602 leaves LAX for DC without me on board. I could care less.
1:30pm: After being down as much as $14,000 I end the session stuck $10,000, grab my bags, and drive to the airport to make the 3:05 Southwest flight.

And that is where I am now: 35,000 feet in the air in a giant peanut butter cup, on the way to a pit stop in Nashville before getting into Baltimore at midnight, and driving 45 minutes into DC, in the world’s most expensive coach seat. Ah, the life…